Im The Grinch aka Peter Pan!!! November 8, 2008

I am the Original Grinch ..i dont like Christmas. And im not being racist or sexist im just bein honest.

Christmas decorations, Christmas music the whole jingle jangle me vibe, look whats in my stocking, spirit of love thing, its just all getting abit out of hand. I try to avoid shops with Christmas tress and the fact that its bloody only november and theres trees in windows and “santa stop here or else” signs up, really scares me. I like to think im the Grinch of the family, in a sense i hideout when it comes to talks of Christmas or secret santas. The fact that i do Grinch impressions really well and i love the movie helps too, if anyone can remember back in college i used to have this green jacket called The Grinch coat aswell. (dose were the days) lol.

 

Ok I’l be totally honest, Christmas is just a cover up..i suppose its because i know im gettin old…because 4 weeks later its my Birthday and i dont like getting old! im gona b 22! 22 years old, i feel like sucha granny, where has the time gone hey? people are already getting married. Its times like these where Burnards watch would come right in handy.

 

I used to say to every1 im Peter Pan i dont get old but i am, like wen im running to lectures i get cramps! wtf? i never used to get cramps, minus the fact im always pumpin berry, apple or mint flavoured tobacco in to my sistem and Maryland (chicken place)..im flippin weak! And when you meet people from uni and they’v just started, “hi im 18 in 1st year and you” and when you tell them what year your in and then your age, you can tell from their facial expression, their eyes mainly that der thinkin shit i dont wana hang out wiv an oldie. Or sum clever shit will just blatantly say it to your face “Bloody hell ur old!” And thats where it hits right at home,….that crap..you are old. Its no longer acceptable for you to be running around like an idiot in your neighbourhood, have water fights girls V boys, ride a bike around your area or even skip when your shopping with your mum. You get funny looks now and the whisper you accidently hear “Isnt she gettin older now, shouldnt she really be abit more mature?” Those times have gone where you could chill out with mates on your street playing football in the dark, and not get worried about what the aunty-jees would be saying or even your dress sense..it all has to be this new word “respectable”. And dont you just hate it when some clever person would minus how many years you have left until your 30. I dont wana know the calculations you ******!! 

 

Theres just so much i wana do in my life yet, so much yet to see, so many more people i wana meet. Time just doesnt seem to stop not even for a moment. Were all just so busy with work and university that we dont stop to look back. I imagine everyone at one big train station, people just so worried about themselves, everyones got to be somewhere and somehow noone has any time for another person. Like this elderly woman once told me when i worked in a nursing home, these youthful days dont come again and when they do they fly by and before you know it, someone else is wiping your arse. lol..eee but dey still have their sense of humour tho dnt dey?

 

So in nutshell what i wana say is make the most of it. I know my dad regrets it sometimes, im not your age fazy, he says, i cant do the things iv always wanted to do that you can still do, thats why iv never stopped you from fulfilling your dreams. And mum, mum has always allowed to me travel, to explore, to be adventurous, y? because they never had the time that we have. I suppose sometimes im sad that im turning 22 and havnt really done anything THAT significant in my life but then again im grateful that i have the intention for making the most of it whilst i can, and you should too.

x

No Words.. October 26, 2008

I came off the train from Rochdale and started to walk down to Tweedle street, familiar faces passed me by and like normal, i nod and say hello. Feels like i havent been home for ages. I dragged my suitcase through the rain and walked up to my friends house.

The three of us had agreed to meet up here like we had planned. I’d just come back from leicester hence the suitcase.

These arent no ordinary friends, these are my high school girlies and i love them all to bits..its just a feeling so reassuring that i have friends like these who know me so well and understand the silly person i am. As usual we quickly updated each other on any new clothes we’d baught and any funny stories that had happened since the last time we met. We then got ready and prepared ourselves to go and see an old friend.

We stopped at the house that was a few streets further up. My friend hesitantly knocked on the front door, the dad opened it. We said our Salaams, and quickly walked in and sat in the living room. All three of us sat alone in the room and waited for our friend to come through. I started to shake like i normally do, anxiously waiting. Suddenly a small girl with a headscarf opened the door. We all got up to hug her. I couldnt even recognise this frail girl, with eyes swollen. She hugged us all and started to cry. she cried on my shoulder and being me when i see someone cry, i normally join them. Holding her felt so weird, i rememberd the times we used to hug her everyday back in high school. But this was different and i was just in shock at how skinny my friend had become.

“We’re sorry to hear about your brother”…She wiped her tears and sat down. “Hes gone..hes really gone”. “He was only 28″. I sat next to her and tears filled my eyes, i was just so overcome with emotion that no words could describe. Listening to my friend, my age. My high school beautiful friend who i loved dearly and someone i hadnt seen for years or properly spoken to. I had missed her so much and couldnt understand why i hadnt seen her for ages, why i hadnt made more of an effort to see her. I specially come and see all my high school girls for parties, for weddings, for get togethers. How had i lost contact with this close friend of mine?

 She spoke about about the death, we sat and listened to our friend and i cant even begin to imagine the pain she must be going through right now. Her voice, her eyes filled with so much hurt and pain. For once i was silent, i stayed quiet. I normally have something reassuring to say but instead i sat and cried listening to her. Nothing could prepare me more for what that one hour alone had in store for me. One thing she did say to me that will stay with me forever and somewhat highlights the whole meeting:

“He (brother) baught all his Eid clothes, 2 tops, 2 trousers and 2 pairs of trainers, he was ready and so excited for Eid. But look what he went in…a white cloth Farrah. He went in a white cloth, he never even got to wear his Eid clothes”

How true and yet so perfectly rounded up at how death really is just around the corner. That made me think, it made me think alot about myself, my friends, silly tiffs that i’v had with people. What would people say of me when i die? Would anyone come see me? how will people remember me? Have i really done anything significant in my life to make a difference?

“Surely to Allah (swt) we belong, surely to Him is our return” Ameen.

x